


next to me

by ceruleandream



Category: NCT
Genre: Angst, M/M, Noren, jeno - Freeform, renjun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 14:38:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17789255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceruleandream/pseuds/ceruleandream
Summary: jeno is not the type to check out cute boys during his train ride. he prefers to put on his earphones and take a quick nap until one day he unconsciously slept on renjun’s shoulder.





	next to me

jeno is not the type to check out cute boys during his train ride. he prefers to sit back, put on his earphones and close his eyes to avoid either engaging in nonsensical floral conversations with some old woman who happens to sit beside him, making babies cry with his straight face, and most importantly to abandon the awkward silence of people awaiting to arrive in their individual destinations. the one hour ride from the suburb where he lives to the city has always been a torture he has to endure in order for him to go to university. but he tries to console himself from his strenuous effort of waking up so early by sleeping in between his train rides. 

“excuse me, sir? sir?” jeno felt like someone was tapping him on the shoulder and calling out to him in his dream. and his instincts were right, except he wasn’t dreaming because the person who interrupted his sleep was the boy sitting beside him, whose shoulder was supporting his head. he had no slight idea that he was sleeping ever so deeply in a stranger’s shoulder and the thought of it somehow makes him feel a little bit embarrassed. he rubbed his eyes and brushed his face with his hands up to his hair to regain himself from the catnap he had. 

“i’m sorry, i had to wake you up because this is my stop. i’m sorry for interrupting your sleep,” the boy wearing a beanie explained. 

“it’s fine. and i’m sorry i slept on your shoulder.”

“that’s alright. i hope you had a good nap,” the boy just smiled then walked out. 

*doors closing. please stand clear.*

just as the door closed, jeno realised that the boy left his book. at first, he didn’t care. at this point of time in the world, who would want to steal a book? but a voice in his head was somehow telling him to keep it, so he could give it to the boy if he comes back looking for it. 

what if we don’t see each other anymore? he thought to himself. however, regardless of the possibility that it would probably be the first and last time they would see each other, jeno still chose to keep the book in his bag. he plans to give it back to the boy the moment they see each other. if not, then he’ll just probably hand it to the authorities. who knows? maybe the book was really important to that stranger because among all the passengers, he’s the only one who chose to occupy himself with something that’s not a mobile phone. pretty strange in a world where almost everyone has a gadget in hand everywhere they go. 

——

jeno would usually just find a vacant seat and settle himself down with his earphones, but not that day. when the train halted on the boy’s station (as he remembered it), he immediately took the time searching for him inside the train—pressing buttons to buttons in order to move from one section of the train to the next. when he spotted a boy wearing a blue beanie, his face immediately brightened up as he approached him occupying the vacant space right next to the boy who was, by the way, looking out at the window. 

“hi!” jeno greeted with enthusiasm which startled the boy a little. but as soon as he laid eyes on the jeno, a curve started to form on his lips. 

“it’s you. the sleeping boy,” jeno just chuckled at the title given to him. 

“i have a name. i’m jeno.”

“i’m renjun,” both of them smiled at each other. renjun is such a cute name for such an innocent looking boy, it suits him, jeno thought. finally, jeno got a good look at renjun and jeno would be lying if he doesn’t admit that renjun was holding the galaxies in his eyes every time he smiles. 

“did you look for me so you could use my shoulder as a pillow again?” renjun jokingly questioned but jeno wished it wasn’t a joke because he would love to sleep on renjun again. somehow jeno feels comfortable with him which was so unusual considering how he hated commuting and all the things associated with it particularly the passengers. 

“actually no. i’m here to return your book, the one you left yesterday, but now that you gave me the idea… can i sleep on your shoulder now?” jeno further teased and perhaps there was a faint shade of pink slowly forming in renjun’s cheeks. 

“give me my book first,” renjun answered with palms wide open ready to clutch at the item he badly wants to have back. 

“here,” jeno could only roll his eyes while handing back the book. “so, jane eyre huh? classic.” 

“you might think it’s boring but it’s actually good.” 

“where are you heading? to the city?” jeno immediately diverted the topic before he could hear a boring summary of the book. but other than that, he just couldn’t help his curiosity. deep inside he wants to know renjun better. 

“yea, something important,” jeno thought he saw dejection in renjun’s eyes when he answered but jeno just brushed it off. he doesn’t want to ruin the good conversation they had and maybe it’s something personal. 

“how about you?” 

“i’m studying at SNU. i’m still a student so it’s pretty offensive when you called me ‘sir’ twice yesterday.”

“oh, c’mon. i didn’t know your name back then.”

“well, now you do,” both of them just chuckled, too contented in their own little bubble to care if other people were eavesdropping on their conversation. they exchanged their goodbyes when the train finally reached the city for they had to depart for their individual businesses. but they exchanged hello’s once again when it was finally time to go home. it continued to be that way until they were part of each other’s daily routine. the moment renjun gets in train, he immediately searches for jeno who always have a reserved a seat for renjun right next to him. 

jeno doesn’t plug his earphones in anymore unless it’s the both of them sharing one to listen to music while renjun looks out at the window and jeno sleeps with his head on renjun’s shoulder. they are very absorbed with each other that sometimes renjun forgets it’s his stop but thank god, jeno was there to remind him even though he badly wanted to spend more time with each other. renjun completes jeno’s day. the train ride which was jeno’s most hated part of his daily routine is now his most favourite part of the day. 

 

——

it was a very busy day and an ocean of people were trying to squish themselves in the train. renjun and jeno didn’t even managed to settle themselves comfortably because they chose to give their seats to people who badly need it, prioritising the elderly and moms who are still carrying their babies with them. 

there are a lot of people in the train. renjun and jeno were standing so close with each other that the situation was starting to get awkward. people are squishing in and renjun is pushed further to jeno which he thought was impossible considering how many inches their faces are from each other. 

jeno was a lot taller than renjun and the thought just makes jeno want to embrace renjun in a tight hug. the latter would surely be more petite in between his arms. he can smell the enticing mint shampoo in renjun’s hair. the train stopped and some people were exiting the train. someone accidentally bumped into renjun which made him lost his balance but jeno was so quick to snake his arms around renjun’s waist. 

“i got you, don’t worry.” 

jeno flashed his eye smile again and god knows how much renjun hates seeing it cause it makes his knees soft and his heart just wants to melt right then and there. renjun’s heartbeat was beating so fast and the butterflies seems to crawl up in his chest so he swallowed the lump in his throat. he badly wanted to cover his face with his hands because he can feel his cheeks slowly starting to heat up. he sure is blushing in front of jeno and it’s making him even more shy so renjun just tried avoid meeting jeno’s gaze. he can feel jeno’s eyes staring at him so he tried to distract himself from the handsome boy whose face is just a few inches away. 

no words came out of their mouths that night, but their smiles said it all. it’s when they realised that they’ve fallen deeply in love with each other without even knowing it. 

——

they’re on their way home and jeno was pretty beaten up by school work. it was a busy day for him which is why he’s so thankful renjun was there. the innocent boy he loves to lean on whenever he feels like falling into a deep but quick sleep. renjun, on the other hand, noticed how tired jeno’s eyes were so the moment he saw jeno yawning, he led the taller boy’s head to rest on his shoulder. it was very peaceful and comforting for the both of them. renjun wished they could just be like that forever. 

renjun can’t help but to stare at the boy sleeping right next to him, observing and memorising his handsome face. jeno does look very innocent for this world. his hair looks so soft like bubbles could bounce on it before they pop. and his eyes, they seem big when they’re closed and renjun could only wonder how small and curvy they could get when he laughs. his cheeks look so soft as well, and renjun always notices how there seems to appear like a cat fur on jeno’s cheeks when he’s happy. jeno looks so ethereal but happiness looks gorgeous on him and renjun wishes jeno would be happy most of the time. 

renjun didn’t know there were tears falling from his eyes as he gaze at the boy with a smile on his face. 

perhaps jeno sensed that he was crestfallen, and at the same time, happy that they’re together at the moment because jeno’s hand reached for his as they intertwine their fingers together. jeno held him tight, his thumb slowly caressing the back of renjun’s palm. the gesture was so sweet for renjun and he can feel his chest and his cheeks starting to respond to jeno’s actions. again. 

“are you crying?” jeno asked with full concern as he looked up at renjun’s face, his head never leaving the innocent boy’s shoulder. it feels like home to jeno, renjun feels like home.

“no, i’m not,” renjun denied but jeno still wiped his tears either way and then kissed both of renjun’s cheeks that made the latter flustered.

“i don’t like seeing you sad.” 

and there goes renjun’s heart again, responding to the sweet eye smile jeno is flashing right in front of him. he was sure his cheeks were blushing again so he burrowed his face onto jeno’s neck, attempting to hide his reaction. renjun’s breath tickled on his neck, but he loves it when the boy is very close to him. jeno just smiled while he swings his arms around renjun’s shoulder. cuddling like that on a public transport might be weird, luckily there are only a few people occupying the train and if they saw how clingy renjun and jeno are, they didn’t care at all. 

——

jeno can’t take it anymore. everytime he arrives home, all he could think about is renjun. he’s aware that they’ve known each other not too long enough, but the connection he feels with renjun feels like forever. they make each other laugh, they find comfort in their silence and jeno just wants to be there for renjun, always. he has to say how he feels or else his chest would burst. he wants to say everything to renjun but not on the train, he wants them to be alone—together. 

“can i take you out on a date?” jeno was smiling when he asked renjun but deep inside his heart was sprinting because of how nervous he was. ‘what-if-renjun-rejects-me’ and all those kind of negativity clouded his mind. but he still took the risk of asking him out, he’s willing to risk it all for the innocent boy. 

“yes, jeno. you can,” jeno was beyond the clouds. there it is again. jeno always notices the small dimple renjun has at the side of his mouth whenever he smiles and right at that moment, jeno can see it clearly. 

they can finally spend their time together without the noise of train wheels running swiftly on the railway. 

it was nighttime and the cold air was brushing itself smoothly on their faces. jeno led renjun into an empty soccer field with all the blinding lights shining brightly on them. in the middle of the field was a picnic blanket together will all the food. jeno just prepared a simple set up but everything was perfect for renjun. he can’t hide the surprised look on his face, and jeno loves how he’s making renjun happy at that moment. 

they enjoyed their dinner and then lied down on the blanket after, gazing at the stunning night sky that seems to beam down on them. renjun’s head was on jeno’s chest and renjun swore that he could listen to jeno’s heartbeat forever. meanwhile, jeno had his arms wrapped around renjun’s small frame. at that moment, jeno realised how small the boy is and he’s thankful for it because renjun fits perfectly in his arms. renjun’s fingers were drawing small circles on jeno’s arm. 

“jeno…” jeno loves how renjun’s soft voice crawls on his ear. he loves hearing the latter say his name and jeno could only respond with a hum. 

renjun lifted himself from resting on jeno’s chest and turned to face the taller boy lying down next to him, his elbows supporting his upper body while the rest reclines. jeno looked at him with full of love and right at that moment, renjun claimed that he got lucky with jeno. 

“do you wanna hear something crazy?” renjun asked which earned him a nod from jeno. 

“i love you,” renjun feels so brave saying it. but his next move makes him even more brave. after dropping the words, renjun leaned down to place a quick and soft kiss on jeno’s lips. 

jeno was taken aback, his cheeks starting to paint a shade of crimson red, but he composed himself quickly and smiled, “do you wanna hear something crazier? i love you too.” 

and that was the end of it, because the next thing renjun knew was that jeno slightly elevated half of his body with his elbows supporting him while he fully claims renjun’s lips. jeno slightly shifts his head from left to right constantly to have full access on renjun’s mouth. the kiss was soft and slow and renjun was responding well to his lips. jeno nibbles on renjun’s upper lip before biting the lower, sliding his tongue smoothly into renjun’s mouth. 

but renjun’s lungs started to burn so he signaled for jeno to stop for awhile, finally detaching their lips from each other. renjun could only laugh in the very few inches of space in between their faces while he tries to catch his breath. but it seems like jeno can’t resist him cause while renjun was panting, jeno showers him with quick kisses all around his face and neck which earned jeno a giggle from renjun, especially when his lips touched some parts of his jawline down to his neck. 

“i love you so much, renjun.” 

“i love you too.”

——

everything was going perfect for the both of them until one day, renjun stopped showing up. every time the train halts at renjun’s stop, jeno would always anticipate for a boy wearing a beanie to get on the train. sometimes he would find himself searching for him, like he did the day after they talked to each other for the first time. jeno had to admit it was slowly breaking his heart because he didn’t know what happened to the love of his life. 

he tried searching for renjun and he did found him, except they couldn’t be with each other like they used to be. it was true, renjun was heading to the city for something important, he was heading to the city for his check ups. renjun has a hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a condition where his heart muscles become abnormally thick. the doctors said treatments can help, but it is incurable. renjun’s mom said her son doesn’t want to stay in the hospital. renjun said he wants to live a normal life despite his condition. and he sure did even if it was just a short time. jeno gave renjun hope and renjun can see how they make each other happy. renjun doesn’t want to ruin it by telling jeno about the truth because with jeno, he can be like a healthy normal person. and it was with jeno, he learned how to love. 

jeno was annoyed with himself for not noticing it. it was breaking his heart because he didn’t know it would be the last time he would see renjun, that it was the last time he could embrace him. it was shattering his heart into pieces. and all he could ever do it read renjun’s letter to him even if it would surely break his heart even more.

 

hi jeno. if you’re reading this then i’m probably not with you anymore. please don’t get mad at yourself. i just don’t wanna tell you because i don’t wanna ruin how happy you are, we are. every moment i spent with you was memorable. i was genuinely happy. you make me feel so alive and thank you so much for teaching me how to love, how to be happy even if it was just a short time. i would never forget all of it and i hope you don’t forget about me too. i love you so much, jeno. and thank you so much. i wanna ask you a favour. please be happy even if i’m not with you anymore. please don’t restrain yourself from loving again because you deserve the whole world.

**Author's Note:**

> hi, this is my very first fanfic and i hope you liked it. thank you for reading and your feedbacks would be very much appreciated, you can drop them on my cc: @jaemineo
> 
> you can also follow me on twt if you want. i write aus there. @injuneo


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